The Karpman Drama Triangle: Persecutor – Rescuer –Victim (PRV). We’ve all found ourselves in this energy-draining game chasing and being chased around the triangle. “You are WRONG!” says the Persecutor, whether with words or icy withdrawal. “I can’t do it! I won’t!” cries the Victim. “Let me fix this for you!” says the Rescuer righteously riding in his white horse to save the day. And round and round we go…How do you know you’re in this game instead of in a real, authentic encounter? Just look for the drama! Instead of actually solving problems and connecting authentically with others, you find yourself in chaos and asking, “why are we arguing over the same stupid thing yet again?”

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
― Maya Angelou You’ve made a really big change. Not a little “hey, I think might start eating healthier” type of change;  a really big, core-level change. The kind of change fostered by travelling through the desert of your soul and being transformed. You are a new person!                                  What do you mean your friends and family aren’t buying it? How do you convince others that this really is the new you, and that you aren’t that old you they seem to remember so readily when this new you stands so eagerly before them? It’s...

Love means helping and supporting your loved ones, right? Or does it mean letting them figure it out on their own?  Should we allow people the dignity of their own consequences or warn them when a mac truck is bearing down on them? Do we hold them accountable for their choices by confronting them, or do we just let the chips fall where they may and let the consequences be what they will be. We’ve all heard of the classic cases of enabling from the world of addiction…the wife who calls her husband’s boss to tell him the husband is sick when he’s really hung-over; the parents who let the drug-abusing 25-year-old son live at home without working because “he can’t find a job.”  Enabling in this sense means shielding the addict from the consequences of his or her addiction. The addict will tell you he really needs your help. This, “help,” unfortunately, allows...

Have you ever noticed that whenever you try to change yourself, even if you are changing to something better, other people in your world don’t necessarily react the way you would like? The reason is that any change, even good change, upsets the status quo. If you and I are in a relationship, we have unspoken “rules” for how we engage each other, how we support each other’s function and dysfunction, and if you go changing, well…that messes up our unspoken rules, doesn’t it?   One of my favorite examples is when a parent takes a Love and Logic® class, learns some real parenting tools to help her  not get sucked into her child’s drama, and then the child says, “I don’t like all that parenting stuff you’ve learned. I can’t manipulate you the way I used to before…”   So, how do you handle another person who is acting out (re-acting)...